Just another dumb story that I have wrote, and just in case, I will publish this on Royal Road. Something I have to say everytime I want to post something like this.
At the data center in my headquarters, where I search the globe scanning for what’s going on. We are an elite group of well armed soldiers in the military protecting freedoms from across the world, even at the cost of priceless, innocent lives. We are known as the Marine Seals, and I am their leading commander, I.G. Pazz.
Right now I am doing my daily 12:00 am push ups before I even have breakfast, since you have to work for everything in life! Because LIFE IS NOT FAIR! IT’S NOT RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE! YOU WORK, OR ELSE YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PUSSY! So that’s why I go out there and kill our enemies!
Just then, during my daily exercise routine, an alarm had come up. “Um… excuse me sir, but there’s an emergency going on. It is in…”
“SHOVE A SOCK IN IT PUSSY! APPRECIATE YOUR JOB, YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT!” I yelled at my beta inferior, he just absolutely disgusts me! “Now direct me to the meeting room or else you will wish you were never born!” He pointed to the direction of the room in a wimpy manner. “DUMBASS” I shouted once more knowing that I am the apex of evolution.
I got there to see everyone in the room, my teammates. “Alright, so in this data, we see that the evil Dr. Gulakumar has created an evil device that, if used at least once, can steal all of the FREEDOMS AND LIBERTIES away from millions of people across our entire hemisphere! And also a few special countries in the other hemisphere that we consider to be good!”
“OH MY GOD! THAT FIEND! He must be doing the work of Satan!” One of my teammates said, and no, he’s not important, cause he’s not me… yet. LOOK I AM THE PROTAGINIST, AND I WILL TELL THE STORY LIKE IT IS!!
“So what are we going to do?!”
“Simple, we go there and… ATTACK!” I said with some great bravery.
“Don’t you mean we go to do some intervention? I mean these dudes are causing trouble for themselves, and it is our responsibility to…” The wimpy gamer nerd said, but I decided to interrupt him.
“SAVE THAT SHIT FOR PROPAGANDA!! WE TALK HONESTLY AMONG OURSELVES!” I said in the middle of his sentence, or whatever the fuck a group of words are! I punched him and sent him out of my amazing and cool sight.
“Ha, OMG, What a loser! Anyways, should we plan everything out before we head off” The only woman in our team said, and an absolute girlboss at that. YOU GO GIRL, YOU ARE ONE STRONG WOMAN! Although I don’t like what you said after, which means…
“NO, THAT'S A WIMP ATTACK! IN THE NAME OF MACHONESS, AND IN THE NAME OF CALL OF DUTY, ALL OF DUTY, FALL OF DUTY, WE FIGHT!” Everyone agreed with me, including the girlboss who changed her mind at the last minute, so we buzzed AWAY!
Now in our helicopter, in the distance we see the dreaded Fort Terror on top of a hill in the middle of nowhere where nothing of interest to us is miles around, with a whole entire Sleeper Cell megafortress right beside it! We will invade it and make sure that we can get those freedoms back!
Meanwhile…
“With a few more modifications, my evil plan will come to fruition, and no one will stop me! Muhahahaha!” Dr Gulakumar said, as he was putting some finishing touches. “Now with this machine, my ultimate plan will come, where I will… give the whole city electricity and clean water from the river so we can prosper! Hopefully, we can get enough food so all can benefit from our successes from across the world!” He went from menacing right towards an attitude of hope in a few seconds.
“You know boss, you should stop acting like a mad scientist whenever you do your usual ‘scheming’ about benefiting humanity as if you are a cartoon villain.
“Please, I LOVE those kinds of scientists in cartoons, they are just so funny and absurd, along with their over the top theatrics. Besides, who knows how this invention itself could help our scientific endevors…” A blast came from the distance, and alarms came off.
The assistant quickly came to the telescope out the window to see that a helicopter is shooting missiles at random targets. “Sir, the Marine Seals are out there again trying to kill us! Maybe that your evil scientist persona is the cause of this mess?” He said with a concern yet kind of foreseen it ahead of time.
“Well, at least I have built some robots from the leftover parts. Sigh, I knew this was going to happen. All I hope is that this is enough to at least distract them while I buy time to find a way to create some kind of powerful mecha in a short time…” He said really worried.
NOW BACK TO MY STORY! HOW DARE YOU GIVE ATTENTION TO THAT ASSHOLE! Anyway, me and my badass team are about to land, just as a robot launched a missile at our helicopter! Those fiends are trying to kill us while we are liberating them! The fucking NERVE!
“SAY YOUR NAME AS YOU JUMP!” I said to my teammates so we can look even more cool than we already are!
“HOLY HORNY” THE FIRST GUY SAID WHO WAS AT THE MEETING!
“GIRLBOSS GRETA” SAID OUR ONLY WOMAN!
“TORTURE TOD!” OUR INFO GUY SAID!
“POWER PRESTON!” SAID OUR ONLY DARK GUY!
“KID KILLER!” OUR ROBOT SAID, AND DON’T YOU DARE GO ALL “YOU STEAL INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY” WE ARE THE MILITARY, AND WE CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT CAUSE WE PROTECT YOUR FREEDOMS!!!
“Um… Don’t I get a parachute?” Our ugly nerd said as he was being a fucking coward.
“FUCK NO! JUST STAY IN THERE AND DIE! SO THE FOOD CAN BE FOR MORE LIKE ME!” I said as I jumped off and the helicopter exploded with this pathetic shitstain on it!
Now, we are at the ground to see all of the robots there, as they put out their machine guns, and we SHOT! We blasted all of our AR-15s at them, and came collateral damage, like I don’t know, some woman and children or something. Nothing important, unlike OUR FREEDOMS!
WE PLOWED THROUGH THE MEATBAGS IN OUR WAY, AND THE ROBOT, UNTIL SOMETHING HIT HOLY HORNY!
So I, I.G. Pazz, the great friend that I am, came up to him. IS IT TOO LATE?! I HOPE NOT! To see him suffering, gasping for air fills me with this “It hurts… so much” he said calmly, collapsing onto the ground.
THIS PISSES ME OFF, AND SO DID EVERYONE ELSE, SO AS AN ACT OF REVENGE, WE DECIDED TO CHARGE, AND KILL AT LEAST 20,000 EACH OF THOSE SAVAGES TO AVENGE HIM! SO WE STARTED TO DO EVERYTHING WE JUST DID, BUT EVEN MORE THAN EVER!
I was choking a muscular man who can’t defend himself, how pathetic!
Girlboss Greta was cracking up some of them nuts in the sexiest ways you can imagine. Torture Tod was waterboarding many with extreme efficiency, and chopping up femurs, and Kid Killer was killing those children who were born failures! We were like total badasses killing those people who lacked any guns, and we decided to do even more, until we realize that we have to do to their masters to get our freedoms back!
So long story short, we all eventually got to the Fort Terror, where we killed even more terrorists who wanted to take away our freedoms! That is when came to the room of our greatest foe, Dr. Gulakumar. We tied this fucker to a chair with rope, and we thank god Torture Todd here to force him to tell us his evil plans.
“ALRIGHT TERRORIST, WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR MACHINE THAT CAN TAKE AWAY FREEDOMS AWAY! SO TELL US WHERE IT IS OR ELSE!!” Torture Tod said at the height of his voice.
“I have no idea what you are talking about. You are just a bunch of idi…” POW! WENT THE POWERFUL BALL KICKER OF TORTURE TOD AS KNEED THE CROCH OF THE EVIL DR. GULAKUMAR, AS HE…
“I’m sorry, but how the hell does that story make any sense?! Stopping someone from stealing something that’s not even material? What benefits would he even get?! Some imaginary force of power?” I would see a student in the classroom question me. Did I forget to tell you that I was telling a class my story as a guest? Never mind, I will just go on with what I did with the little shit.
Of course he was one of those hippie bastards who would come up with such a STUPID question like THAT! His glasses make me even angrier! I have to give that ungrateful shit a piece of my mind, so here I did by going up close to his hideous mug and yelled “IF I WAS NOT THERE KILLING OFF RANDOM PEOPLE WHO WERE MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS, THEN YOU WOULD NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO EVEN TO CRITICIZE ME, IN FACT, YOU WOULD BE DEAD, SOO, YOU’RE WELCOME!!!” and I was glad that the other students would join in with me in this rightful tirade.
“YOU SUCK!!”
“GO TO HELL”
“DIE MOTHERFUCKER!”
All the kids yell in my defense, and I am glad that this whiny generation is not a bunch of spoiled brats, but then suddenly the teacher pressed a button at the bottom of her desk, as she smiled at me. I smiled back, as soon enough, two officers busted through the door and went to that smart alec.
“Ello sir, you’ve had a bit too much to think about eh?” the first officer said in a friendly manner. I fucking don’t get why they are so damn polite to that piece of shit, but they don’t question my methods, so neither do I.
“Yeah, you know you should just let that dear hero do the dirty work so you can have freedom, and off you go cheery chap!” He said politely as they both grabbed the brat, and off the way they went out of the room.
“LET ME GO!! I DID NOTHING WRONG, SHOULD I HAVE BEEN OBEDIENT! HELL NO! I WILL SPEAK THE TRUTH! YOU CAN’T ARREST US ALL, AND WE WILL RISE! DR. GULAKUMAR DID NOTHING WRONG!” The fucken brat making a massive tantrum in front of his class. How fucking pathetic. He was dragged out of the room by the two officers. Then the intercom went on from the principal.
“Sorry for the sudden change of schedule, but we will be having an execution next period, of the very student who insulted the Amazing I.G. Pazz. He would ironically be the one doing the deed, as we saw it would be fitting. Now continue the class for the rest of the period, the execution will be right at the basketball court.” Oh yeah! Now I can get the chance to get even with this shit! I will just to the good part, where I am in front of this little shit where he’s tied to the flagpole, since we need to honor our nation by killing its enemies. I would then yell at his ugly mug, “ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE SHIT! WE WANT TO KNOW ABOUT WHY WOULD YOU JUST BE SO DAMN DISREPECTFUL TOWARDS ME! AFTER WHAT I HAVE DONE FOR YOU!” I was expecting him to be fearful and apologize, but HE SPIT ON ME! SO WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RAGE, I DECIDED TO BASH HIS HEAD AGAIN AND AGAIN, TO ASK THE SAME EXACT QUESTION WITH THE SAME EXACT WORD TO HOPE THAT I CAN GET THE SAME ANSWER. But with his heavy breathing, he made a nasty face, and he shouted with his final breath “DOWN WITH -” I just took the Glock-15 I always carry around with me ever since I retired from the military and pulled the trigger. I can’t finish my story of badassery, and as I did, everyone cheered, as I killed that traitor, it feels so good to be a motherfucking hero!
“Well, after seeing how cruel my classmates are, and how nasty our veteran guest is, I don’t think I want to join the military anymore. And from the murder of innocents and hypocrisy?! No thank you. My friend was really reckless, but I admire him. Personally, I think that I will try to run away from this country by moving to one of our neighbors who don’t have this level of stupidity and hatred.” I wrote in a hidden journal as all of my classmates yelled like beasts. The only problem is that I am in high school, and I am stuck here doing the pledge. I just got to think of a plan, and I will be out in a jiffy by the time I get to college.